One of the most pressing questions by women, when it comes to relationships, is ‘Why Won’t He Commit.’  Women are looking for a clear cut and dry answer to this question.  The problem is, there is no Clear Cut and dry answer.  All men are different and reasons for commitment issues vary tremendously.  I cannot even try to tell you that I will touch on every reason, but I will try to give you some insight. 

          I want to speak on what sometimes happens early in a relationship.  First dates, second dates and third dates should be basically fun outings.  Get to know the person to see if you are able to enjoy his/her company.  These first dates should be lighthearted and fun.  Sometimes, women feel that they are in a space in their lives where they don’t have time to waste, so they ‘GO IN.’  From the first date, the interrogation begins and plans for the future are being discussed.  Sometimes this is just too much.  I personally don’t know if we are even going to make it to a second, third or fourth date; let alone have you asking me about wedding plans, credit scores and school districts for kids.  It’s not that these aren’t VERY VALID questions, it’s just that we need to spend a little more time getting to know each other first, before discussing such issues.  However, when a man decides this is going too fast, he is labeled as a man who fears commitment.  THAT IS NOT THE CASE!  I personally need to feel that me and my partner are building something together.  Don’t make me feel like, you already have your life set and you are just looking for the first possible candidate to come along and be the final piece you need for a ‘PERFECT LIFE.’  Slow down people and get to know what’s really going on before you are ready to give away the ‘KEYS AND SECURITY CODES.’

          Another mistake women make, is pressuring their mate to commit before they are ready.  If a man is ready to commit to a woman but she feels that it is not the right time in her life, maybe due to schooling or career goals, she is not labled as being ‘SCARED OF COMMITMENT.’  So respect what your partner wants and needs out of life.  Sometimes men have this feeling inside of them, that they want to be more secure in themselves before they can cofidently move on.  LISTEN, to what he is saying and help and support him.  I am not talking about that man that is just using anything as an excuse!  When talking commitment (marriage/moving in), you should know who you are dealing with and understand his way of thinking.  All real men, have the WANT/NEED to be the provider and take care of their families.  Just really find out what is going on before you just group your man into a category. (this portion is aimed at commitment on a deeper level such as marriage/having kids/and moving in)

          Talking about men committing to one woman is a whole other topic.  Men think the same as women only AMPLIFIED BY MANY TIMES!!!!  Men want commitments, men want that special woman who they can trust and confide in.  REALLY WE DO!!!  Sometimes men let their pride get into the way.  The things we see and things we know are happening in relationships all over the world, on a daily basis, causes fear.  Men are supposed to be the strong one in relationships and in control of the situation.  Men are territorial and possessive, most of it can be healthy.   No man wants to hear that his woman has cheated.  Men mentally and emotionally aren’t strong enough to handle these things.  That is why time and time again you hear of relationships where the man has cheated several times but the one time the woman acts up, IT’S OVER!  I am not saying that men cheat because women cheat, I am saying that some men cheat because they feel that by cheating, they protect their feelings.  NOW YOU’RE SAYING THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!  Listen to what I am telling you.  No man wants to hear that they been cheated on, but no man wants to hear that they’ve been cheated on WHILE THEY HAD THEIR ALL INTO IT!  We are silly that way.  Cheating is wrong on any level.  Men simply do not know how to handle it happening to them.  Men will find any reason to cheat, just so they can feel like they won’t be the one playing the fool.

          Don’t get me wrong, there are many factors for a cheating man or a man that won’t commit to one woman.  The key for understanding your man is, knowing that he thinks differently than you.  What is not important to you, may be crucial to him.  I’m going to say this again, MEN WANT THE SAME THINGS THAT WOMEN WANT.  Don’t neglect your man.  He needs to feel like you want to be there too.  Women tend to think of men as these people whose feelings don’t get hurt and that’s not true.  Men are supposed to be strong, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings.  Treat me how you want to be treated, and more importantly; treat me the way that you treated me when I fell for you, AT ALL TIMES. 

          Let me not forget that humans, ESPECIALLY MEN, are very shallow.  Looks are not everything, but they damn sure are important.  We don’t expect for you to be something that you are not, but the least you can do is keep up WHAT FIRST ATTRACTED US TO YOU.  Ladies, I know this goes both ways.  Like I said, it is not about you being the most beautiful woman in the world, but I feel like there is someone out there for everyone(THAT THEY CAN SAY, I AM ATTRACTED TO HER IN THE WORST WAY).  With that said, don’t settle for what you know you do not want.  Men if she isn’t really your type and you know it may cause a problem later down the line, then leave it alone.  WE SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN FLAWS/WANTS/NEEDS!!!  Choose what you like and need and “work to make it work.”

YPs, I could go on for days on this topic, but I will stop here and I look forward to hearing your feedback!!! YPs Stand Up!!!

YPDSing, YoungProfessionals Writer

6 Responses to “Relationships: “Why Won’t He Commit””

1. lady ruck says:

   02/03/2010 at 8:07 PM

   Nice. You mention some valid information everyone should consider while in a relationship and/or dating.

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2. glamglamglam says:

   02/03/2010 at 8:26 PM

   Well SAID! I commend you on being so BOLD …and sharing those “secrets”….that MEN…find so difficult to share…Usually us women have such a hard time…loving, caring, and providing for their counterpart due to the lack of “opening up”…..a lot of times “we” do what we THINK is right…MEN we DON’T KNOW …Keep it coming YPDSing! It was Awesome!

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3. L0VEKAC says:

   02/03/2010 at 9:19 PM

   Well I do agree with a lot of things you said but yet still I feel like you being still don’t understand how much a woman has to bear… Keep our appearance up in order to keep you there makes sense but when a man is not doing well or is not looking exactly the same or doing same things they were doing before it is accepted and we are made to feel like we are nagging… Also I understand forcing a man to commit is not right but how long is too long… Sure a woman is suppose to support her man when does that get old us as women need to take care of ourselves….

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   L0VEKAC Reply:
   February 3rd, 2010 at 9:20 PM

   Sorry I didn’t use spell check…@L0VEKAC,

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4. Keli says:

   02/03/2010 at 11:21 PM

   Interesting… will have to come back and read this when my mind is less cloudy. One thing I will say is that I have only truly dated men that I first developed friendships with, so we don’t need the fluff, the getting to know each other stuff, because we’re already there. I think this somewhat takes the excitement out of the aspect of dating for the men… correct me if I’m wrong, but a big part of dating for you all seems to be the thrill of the chase.

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5. Dionne says:

   02/07/2010 at 6:12 PM

   I think I got some answers that was already in my head.

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